Friday, March 20, 2009

loser in life

i lay awake tonight wondering if ive wasted my life away waiting on the wrong girl.. bits and pieces follow to the events and certainly i know if i had not known before that things have change and people change and i find myself asking a question if this is the kind of life i want to lead.. i tend to do things that my heart feels right and thats the problem when u dun use ur head.. ur heart's onli function is to pump blood to keep u alive but on the other hand it can also stop and kill u.. so heed this advice, trusting ur heart can onli lead to 2 things life and death..

i wonder where i stand.. i wonder if i have just found the meaning of life or am i starting to fade away and die.. i have decided to sit out this night juz making sure i stay alive.. my heart feels heavy and i dun feel safe.. i feel vulnerable i feel wasteful and yet whos willing to lend a listening ear.. nobody i guess at this ungodly hour.. as i sit alone in front of the screen typing my life story and perhaps at the end i can find a solution although i know a solution is not what i am looking for.. its juz simply an answer to a question which yet can be answered..

have i lost in life, have i wasted my life for somebody else.. is my life lived for somebody else and why have i done that.. why have i not realli did things for myself.. how could i have lived a life pitting someone as more important than myself.. why have i loved someone than i love myself.. what have i done wrong and what kind of thinking have i conjured up.. how can i make this stop and can i make this stop.. and i guess if only GOD can talk to me, i will ask " What do i do now? " i will have trust in his answer cos i know at the very least, he will take care of me..

somebody talk to me..

posted by: mfirdie @ 11:53 AM

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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Depressed

At times I feel tired and weary on life.. laziness creeps into my life influencing me not to do things.. not to indulge with promises to keep and yet i do nothing.. then i feel empty like there's nothing with my life as if i dun mean nothing to anybody and then i'll be depressed.. emptiness is the main thing that affect me like there's no meaning to a life i lead.. i do the same thing day in day out and theres not much of a difference.. at times the worst thing i bore myself.. any activities that i set out to do are mostly short lived and it is due to many "excuses" never reasons.. so wad do i have to do to make my life interesting?

the meaning of life differ for each individual and sad to say i have yet to find mine.. at this age and time i guess plans should be made on wad i want to achieve and as difficult as it sounds but actually simple to implement, i should just go out there and do it.. I should start soing things instead of juz thinking of doing it.. so wad shud i do? i dun noe.. i hate it in life when ur unsure of wad u wan.. or sometimes feel that wad u want is too far fetched or seriously it juz takes more effort in achieving.. but seriously nothing comes "cheap" or easy.. it usually takes up a lot of effort and motivation and determination and patience and a whole lot of other cliche wordings which a simple human being just doesnt possess.. here i am again saying that i cannot do things with the "excuse" that i dun have the qualities needed to achieve anything so why am i complaining at all when i have "accepted" myself to be what i am and said no words on changing the way that i am..

i am in a word stuck.. i am in a position where too many layers of cushion are piled up all around me to save me juz in case i fall.. yet sometimes to make things interesting, u gotta have those wounds and take those bumps.. thats when u realli learn dont u, i am in the process of thinking of taking those bumps and eager to have those wounds.. yet i am merely thinking of it not literally doing it.. somebody come to my rescue..

posted by: mfirdie @ 5:55 AM

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