yesterday was in all a good dae for me.. it is once that ive had such for quite a while now.. since rotting at home since Sundae, yesterday was a deserving break from that dull life that i lead.. first and foremost my elder "sister's" bdae was yesterday so the day started early when the clock struck twelve with a birthdae wish.. its always nice when someone's bdae comes along and i dunno i juz seem to be in a joyous mood whenever that happens..
the day started early for me in the morning.. having to attend a briefing session for my stint at Singapore expo during the first week of sch.. originally supposed to start at 1030 it dragged to around 11 and ended at 1120.. headed straight for home having to accompany mom to the bank and join her for lunch.. the 1st person i bumped into yesterday was Prameet.. intially the train was a bit crowded when i boarded from TP.. but it eventually cleared out after a few stops.. and i saw a familiar face.. prameet was seated amongst an indian couple and indian guy.. for once i thought it was her family so i darent approach.. however i remembered Prameet has a sister, not a brother and the couple looked too young to be related to her so i took my chance.. it was Prameet for sure.. chatted about school and stuffs up till my station comes beckoning.. after it was to the bank and lunch with mom.. gotta spend some time with her once in a while.. most of the time she would be working and i either schooling or out playing.. so it was nice to sit and chat..
back home it was rest time.. and a lil while later my lil sis time to go home so therefore picking her up from school became a chore.. in the heavy rain i went with my flowery umbrella.. it was not the image im concerned about.. i dun really shoot around about how i look.. i prefer to feel comfortable rather than discomfort.. when she was back and stuffs its back to my computer.. taking a break from that i had to put up with my sister's lazy antics while we struggle to get her hw done.. surprisingly she recovered after that session was done.. most of the time den was spent on the computer reading and surfing for auctions.. and then when the day draws late it was time for gf time.. picking her up from her tuition lesson and then spending time with her for dinner.. fortunately too her jacket came yesterday when i got home so i did not have to go empty handed.. i guess it was one of the days when if u meet somebody ull meet everybody.. bumped into MeiXin while at subway and after sending my gf home saw MengQi dragging her feet home.. i made that suckling sound, she turned, thought i was a ruffian disturbing her and turned away.. she recognised me somehow and shouted "Bye".. i just flashed a nervous smile..
u see the best thing i can do is that suckling noise to alert somebody.. i mean i dun wanna run up to you if u dun notice me.. cos in my mind if i made that suckling noise and u turned and turned away.. its not so bad.. at the very least u could recognise me and smiled.. but imagine that if u can get irritated with my suckling noise.. u would probably run away if someone started "chasing" you.. so there goes my explaination.. at home with time to kill i went online again.. my "worried" lil "sister" approached and asked about me.. it had been a while truly that i had a conversation with her let alone met her so it was nice.. and i approached me "garlic sister in law".. well thats another story to tell.. the day ended around 245?? well i was gearing up for the Barca-AC Milan match and i fell asleep.. and end to a good day..
posted by: mfirdie @ 9:29 PM
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Allan was jolted up from his slumber, his mind twirling trying to remember where he was and what he was doing. His eyes never stopped rolling recording the surrounding of his office. His computer was still lit just the way he left it. It was dark in the wee hours in the morning, he must have dozed off while writing his article. An article about spirits, lost spirits trapped in time enduring the trauma that unfolds over and over again leading to their tragic death.
He heard a knock on the door and then a faint cry. It sounds like a child whimpering behind his locked door. The knocks sounded again, it sounded desperate as if she wanted in. He stood up perspiring from the spoilt ai conditioning of his office. He slowly made his way to the door doubting whether the knocks truly existed or were they the result of his semi conscious state. The door suddenly flung open and the intruder entered. She was dressed in red clutching her teddy bear close to her chest. Her watery eyes and sobs gave clues that she was very much distressed and frantically in need of help. Allan wasted no time, he shut the door and pushed his desk blocking the entrance. Certainly something was in search of this intruder that is now in his very office.
She lay crouched in the corner shivering even as he walked towards her. He moved slowly not wanting to frighten her even further with his existence. Her hair covered her small head and it was difficult to see her face. She was in a mess, her clothes torn in small areas and from where he stood, bruises and cuts surfaced on her skin. It shocked him as to what had happened to this poor girl. He squatted down in front of her brushing off her hair from her face. Her eyes stared back at him fiery red, it was not anger he saw but fear in her eyes. Frightened and terrified of the stranger that is in front of her knowing that she lay helpless without the means of protecting herself. She gripped tight to her toy a whimper escaped her clenched mouth.
The door tore open pieces of wood flying all around. Allan almost turned deaf with the deafening boom of the gunshot. He did not stay around for long to find out who was the author of it all. He sensed danger was on its way and it is not favourable to stay put. Dragging the child with one arm he roamed around in his office for a place to hide. He figured his cupboard was the best option, for now. Footsteps approached their hiding place, the child still shivering from fear. A pair of feet emerged at the doorstep of the office. Almost effortlessly the gunman pushed his way in moving the furniture that blocked his way. From the little slab of the cupboard door, Allan lais eyes on the hunter. He looked around, searching, taking his time stalking his prey. Allan wasted no time in waiting to be found, he made a dash for the door and in turn almost got his head blown off by the shotgun of the hunter.
He was out now free to run and escape from the clutches of the hunter. He was at the stairs when he heard another shot unleashed from the destructive weapon. It sounded distant and it did not take long to guess what had happened. The girl, the cupboard, the hunter, the gun. Allan was stuck in place trying to figure out what to do. He had two choices, one, save his life and run to the nearest police station where he would be safe, two, go back into the office hoping the girl is still alive and somehow save her from the hunter. He chose the latter and running into the office his mind still twirling with the reason to why he did not save his own life. No reason could make up for what he saw next. Sprawled on the floor of his face in a pool of blood, the child laid still. He slowly approached the lifeless body squatted on the floor knowing not what to do. He felt anger running through his veins, angry at himself for dashing out, angry at the hunter for taking her life.
Realisation was too late. The hunter was laying in wait for his next victim. With the gun pointed to his head, Allan heard a click.
Allan was jolted from his slumber, his mind twirling trying to remember where he was and what he was doing. His eyes never stopped rolling recording the surrounding of his office. His computer was still lit just the way he left it. It was dark in the wee hours in the morning, he must have dozed off while writing his article. An article about spirits, lost spirits trapped in time
enduring the trauma that unfolds over and over again leading to their tragic death.
posted by: mfirdie @ 2:13 AM
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am i one who loves life? ive been made inton one i suppose.. one who noes how to enjoy life and keep himself far from the troubles of the world.. i choose not to indulge and i always choose to shy away.. that is my life.. a meaningless one in my very eyes.. wad do i do with it? what do i attain from it? i have yet to find my absolute answer..
its the dreaded feeling i have early in the morning.. the alarm sounds at 930 and on a bright cheerfully sunny day i would have awoken and make an early start to the day.. but yet time and again i laze around closing and shut tight my eyes into sleep that will never come.. i lay still as the time passes and it soon turned to hours of the morning and finally i rise from my slumber.. the sucky feeling still stayed true and i start off my day.. being here, being me describes a day with no intention.. how i cherish to have something to do yet alone i am too lazy to go in search.. yet when i have i dread and regret my choice and wished for free time.. my life has no balance.. there wont be a time where everything is sufficient.. i constantly find myself in a situation where i am having too much of one or another.. and yet u still ask why cant i accept something in between.. u said to me there is no such thing as in between.. im living in a life where there is no such thing as in between.. i mix them up and yet i still end up the same.. having too lil or too much.. but wad am i to do.. thats how my life will go..
i dread the feeling when i awake..
posted by: mfirdie @ 2:05 AM
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as i start to write once more i noe that im a lot of weeks due of an entry.. it has been long since i last wrote an entry and it truly bugs me.. in the one of the few entries as of late.. i wrote.. i live in a silence world where i am silenced.. it has come to a point where i no longer long to write about my life.. im so fed up with the things that happen everyday that i dun even wan to share.. everything that revolves around sux and theres nothing good coming out of it.. i was not happy with my life and truly to tell all of u, i may never be..
cleaning through my stuffs at the start of the week i came across lil post-it notes stuck to my notebook of my secondary school days.. written on those tiny notes were words of encouragement.. some even from friends that i was not truly close with.. they all said the same thing.. that i was living a fascade.. my outlook, behaviour and attitude do not reflect the kind of life im going through and ultimately how i really feel.. as proof that kind of life i have been living lasts forever.. can i ever be cured from this life.. this pain or troubles that bugs me.. is it really so hard to be happy.. do i have to fake it all the time.. putting that mask of a smile that i usually have.. i wan to be purely happy.. something that i guess i can fairly achieve..
one week ago as of today i would have been on my way to practice for my competition commencing the day after.. to those not aware of it i had my annual Dance Competition last Saturday at the NUS UCC Hall.. had fun i had but i felt a wee bit different.. slept over at a fren's house for the convenience of the journey the next dae.. and u noe wen the boys get together there will be the usual rowdy jokes and laughter that we all share.. even wen we sleep.. all four of us sprawled on the floor of the living room.. we had our pre-sleeping laughter.. one sudden burst of a lil girl's giggle caused an uproar in a sort of tidal wave fashion.. and finally we went to sleep..
the morning was greeted by breakfast from his mom.. a simple dish of fried rice, egged bread and fishballs i guess.. i dun really noe.. after having our fill it was straight to the journey over.. lugging our luggage plus the ultra big placards that we made.. we descended upon those 6 storeys of stairs clumsily.. within 10 mins the big lorry arrived to take us to our destination.. the whirling winds on the journey caused the placards to be literally ripped at its ends.. the open concept of the pickup truck certainly does not bode well with our bamboo stick concept for a placard.. so there we were the three of us at the back firmly holding the placards together with another on a motorbike delivering tickets while the last one beside the driver contributing directions..
so impact we made with our arrival.. not your typical limousine kind of entrance but "big" enough for its kind.. perhaps our female counterparts waiting in the lobby are eluded with embarassment with our arrival.. seeing their male counterparts in such a vehicle and its so not "glam".. unloading our stuffs we entered the air conditionedhall.. we were truly the weirdos amongst them.. we were typically in normal clothes.. the guys were in tshirts and our black pants while girls well typically dressed.. i dunno how to describe.. the rest of our fellow competitors look way better than us in every way.. i guess we only looked on par once we donned our "golden" clothes.. and that was onli like 2-3 hours after we arived and in time for our full dress rehearsals.. in the hall itself we as per normal acted like the fools that we were.. i guess an array of disgust were evident in the faces of our competitors.. coincidentally having 2 of them pure "girls" groups and i noe they were less than impressed.. i felt they were too distinguished and dignified in their character while for them we were like jerks.. i dunno.. either way we are happy with how we turn out to be..
i guess we were the most un-popular team budden again i may be wrong.. judging from recognition from competitors we were un-popular.. judging from the crowds and their response i could say we were ranked among the top two most popular.. so there we were the "bawah-anjings" or loosely translation of underdogs in malay.. rubbed our competitors the wrong way and labelled as nonsensical and rubbish performance for our comedy act.. i guess its the way we portray it.. our comedy does not lie intellectually but truly in the malays kind of way.. exaggeratingly or disgustingly funny.. higher class ppl are juz left out of the fun so.. yup.. even though they dun understand our humour at the very least i compliment them to be of higher class.. give and take in that area..
through the rehearsals my confidence really took a beating.. performing in a silenced crowd.. notable mistakes becoming evident and uncertainty all played its part in bashing my composure.. truthfully after everything was done.. and after dinner if u had asked me of our chances i would have told u.. the bottom 2 of the final 6.. that was how bad i was feeling.. i felt so down on the day of the competition.. i didnt even feel like dancing anymore.. there i sat brooding in the dressing room slumped in the chair staring at the happy faces around me.. we stressed around pondering of our fate released stress from our silly games and in times to come we were brought out to the backstage arena witnessing the start of the category 3 dances.. we were 4th up so quite a wait.. i guess watching the 1st 2 dances really helped.. hearing the crowd and all really pumped me up.. i was in my typical fashion of jumping around jogging in circles.. then the curtains parted and YEABAH!! out came the familiar song of the pink panther..
i rose too early from our final bow.. i saw the rest still crouched down with their butts protruding to the back and i raised my hands waving to the crowd while they clapped and cheered our effort.. i felt satisfied.. accomplishment.. complete.. smiles were on our faces slapping high fives and shaking hands.. we proceed back to our dressing rooms still grinning with glee.. our hopes were high.. we knew we stand a chance now.. despite the casualties of rehearsals we did better.. than ever.. it was only a 10 mins wait before we were sent out again.. this time for the prizes to receive.. tense were evident.. it was the secondary schools first.. memories were brought back to three years ago..i had wanted lil nutz to come away with the top prize but yet again similar to our results three years ago they got 2nd too.. i mean theres realli no shame in 2nd place never had been and never will be.. then it was our turn.. 6 prizes.. 3 consolation and 3 top.. the consolation prizes were best to avoid.. the 2 girls team received the consolation and surely the look of shock on their faces.. the last one was left..our final obstacle stands in the way..
final consolation prize was announced and we were ecstatic.. jumping up and down.. celebrating with the rest of the pack at the back.. with MSAFTKB and Lil White Ridin Hood.. slapping hi 5 and our "victory".. 2nd runner up given and no surprise it proved to be ours.. we were jumping up and down and celebrated as if we won the whole competition.. whoooooo.. yeah...
posted by: mfirdie @ 11:19 PM
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Mohamad Firdaus
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