Thursday, April 06, 2006

as i start to write once more i noe that im a lot of weeks due of an entry.. it has been long since i last wrote an entry and it truly bugs me.. in the one of the few entries as of late.. i wrote.. i live in a silence world where i am silenced.. it has come to a point where i no longer long to write about my life.. im so fed up with the things that happen everyday that i dun even wan to share.. everything that revolves around sux and theres nothing good coming out of it.. i was not happy with my life and truly to tell all of u, i may never be..

cleaning through my stuffs at the start of the week i came across lil post-it notes stuck to my notebook of my secondary school days.. written on those tiny notes were words of encouragement.. some even from friends that i was not truly close with.. they all said the same thing.. that i was living a fascade.. my outlook, behaviour and attitude do not reflect the kind of life im going through and ultimately how i really feel.. as proof that kind of life i have been living lasts forever.. can i ever be cured from this life.. this pain or troubles that bugs me.. is it really so hard to be happy.. do i have to fake it all the time.. putting that mask of a smile that i usually have.. i wan to be purely happy.. something that i guess i can fairly achieve..

one week ago as of today i would have been on my way to practice for my competition commencing the day after.. to those not aware of it i had my annual Dance Competition last Saturday at the NUS UCC Hall.. had fun i had but i felt a wee bit different.. slept over at a fren's house for the convenience of the journey the next dae.. and u noe wen the boys get together there will be the usual rowdy jokes and laughter that we all share.. even wen we sleep.. all four of us sprawled on the floor of the living room.. we had our pre-sleeping laughter.. one sudden burst of a lil girl's giggle caused an uproar in a sort of tidal wave fashion.. and finally we went to sleep..

the morning was greeted by breakfast from his mom.. a simple dish of fried rice, egged bread and fishballs i guess.. i dun really noe.. after having our fill it was straight to the journey over.. lugging our luggage plus the ultra big placards that we made.. we descended upon those 6 storeys of stairs clumsily.. within 10 mins the big lorry arrived to take us to our destination.. the whirling winds on the journey caused the placards to be literally ripped at its ends.. the open concept of the pickup truck certainly does not bode well with our bamboo stick concept for a placard.. so there we were the three of us at the back firmly holding the placards together with another on a motorbike delivering tickets while the last one beside the driver contributing directions..

so impact we made with our arrival.. not your typical limousine kind of entrance but "big" enough for its kind.. perhaps our female counterparts waiting in the lobby are eluded with embarassment with our arrival.. seeing their male counterparts in such a vehicle and its so not "glam".. unloading our stuffs we entered the air conditionedhall.. we were truly the weirdos amongst them.. we were typically in normal clothes.. the guys were in tshirts and our black pants while girls well typically dressed.. i dunno how to describe.. the rest of our fellow competitors look way better than us in every way.. i guess we only looked on par once we donned our "golden" clothes.. and that was onli like 2-3 hours after we arived and in time for our full dress rehearsals.. in the hall itself we as per normal acted like the fools that we were.. i guess an array of disgust were evident in the faces of our competitors.. coincidentally having 2 of them pure "girls" groups and i noe they were less than impressed.. i felt they were too distinguished and dignified in their character while for them we were like jerks.. i dunno.. either way we are happy with how we turn out to be..

i guess we were the most un-popular team budden again i may be wrong.. judging from recognition from competitors we were un-popular.. judging from the crowds and their response i could say we were ranked among the top two most popular.. so there we were the "bawah-anjings" or loosely translation of underdogs in malay.. rubbed our competitors the wrong way and labelled as nonsensical and rubbish performance for our comedy act.. i guess its the way we portray it.. our comedy does not lie intellectually but truly in the malays kind of way.. exaggeratingly or disgustingly funny.. higher class ppl are juz left out of the fun so.. yup.. even though they dun understand our humour at the very least i compliment them to be of higher class.. give and take in that area..

through the rehearsals my confidence really took a beating.. performing in a silenced crowd.. notable mistakes becoming evident and uncertainty all played its part in bashing my composure.. truthfully after everything was done.. and after dinner if u had asked me of our chances i would have told u.. the bottom 2 of the final 6.. that was how bad i was feeling.. i felt so down on the day of the competition.. i didnt even feel like dancing anymore.. there i sat brooding in the dressing room slumped in the chair staring at the happy faces around me.. we stressed around pondering of our fate released stress from our silly games and in times to come we were brought out to the backstage arena witnessing the start of the category 3 dances.. we were 4th up so quite a wait.. i guess watching the 1st 2 dances really helped.. hearing the crowd and all really pumped me up.. i was in my typical fashion of jumping around jogging in circles.. then the curtains parted and YEABAH!! out came the familiar song of the pink panther..

i rose too early from our final bow.. i saw the rest still crouched down with their butts protruding to the back and i raised my hands waving to the crowd while they clapped and cheered our effort.. i felt satisfied.. accomplishment.. complete.. smiles were on our faces slapping high fives and shaking hands.. we proceed back to our dressing rooms still grinning with glee.. our hopes were high.. we knew we stand a chance now.. despite the casualties of rehearsals we did better.. than ever.. it was only a 10 mins wait before we were sent out again.. this time for the prizes to receive.. tense were evident.. it was the secondary schools first.. memories were brought back to three years ago..i had wanted lil nutz to come away with the top prize but yet again similar to our results three years ago they got 2nd too.. i mean theres realli no shame in 2nd place never had been and never will be.. then it was our turn.. 6 prizes.. 3 consolation and 3 top.. the consolation prizes were best to avoid.. the 2 girls team received the consolation and surely the look of shock on their faces.. the last one was left..our final obstacle stands in the way..

final consolation prize was announced and we were ecstatic.. jumping up and down.. celebrating with the rest of the pack at the back.. with MSAFTKB and Lil White Ridin Hood.. slapping hi 5 and our "victory".. 2nd runner up given and no surprise it proved to be ours.. we were jumping up and down and celebrated as if we won the whole competition.. whoooooo.. yeah...

posted by: mfirdie @ 11:19 PM

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