Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Its one week since my grandma's passing and i guess im still in a state of disbelief with how sudden it was.. Unexpecting the worst comes to mind seeing as how her condition was deteriorating.. but still i did not expect her to leave us that soon.. I regret the fact that there was not much that i had done in her last days.. I guess most of us will always regret not doing more for the people we lose.. I wish that she could have been with us for another 20 years to live to a ripe old age but on the other hand seeing as how much she would have suffered due to her illnesses i can only hope that her passing was with minimal pain..

At times the skills and talents that we have can always be a curse in disguise.. in my case i somehow resent the fact that i am of medical knowledge in the stats of well being.. on the day that i entered the room as my grandma lay unconscious on her death bed, her vital stats brought to me the sad story.. i stood there in disbelief for 15 minutes wishing my eyes are playing tricks on me.. With the stats staring back at me evidently, I can only hope and pray that the facts are wrong, that there's something wrong with the machines that a miracle would occur but deep down inside i hid the truth.. It was a time where i was rendered helpless as my grandma faded away from me..

The only things i remember of her were her last days with us.. How ill she had become and how helpless she was in that she needed most of us to help her move around and even do her daily routine.. There were a couple of falls where she took and i didnt know then if they were going to contribute to the injuries that she has already suffered.. We had always pestered her to seek treatment and she always refused.. Being the older generation i guess play a past in that where we experience many elderly refusing to go to the hospital despite being so sick and insisting that they are fine.. i wouldnt contribute her passing to the fact that she was in hospital, i choose to believe that if she weren't sent to the patient earlier, something worst might have happened and the consequences maybe even fatal..

I will always remember my grandma who doted on all her grandchildren and i am one of the lucky few who was bestowed upon her preferential treatment.. I always loved making my grandma laugh and teasing her when she sits in her chair in the kitchen to take her medicine.. I will remember her as the one who will always buy gifts for her smaller grandchildren, the one who will smuggle money in various places to give us without the knowledge of my grandpa.. I am truly blessed to have a grandma like her and i guess i owe a part of what i am today to her for the things she taught me, her bedtime stories to me when i was little and i pray for her everyday that shes in a better place and i hope that i have done her proud with the things that i do, for who that i have become..

posted by: mfirdie @ 12:21 AM

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